Warning(s): Suicide
Title: Alone you Breathe
Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Word Count: 751
-Song: Alone you Breathe by Savatage
You were never one for waiting, still, I always thought you would wait for me.
And have you from your dreams awakened and from where you are, what do you see?
"What are saying, John?" Sherlock had to have heard his friend wrong. What he said couldn't be true. It just couldn't be true!
"Sherlock, you heard what I said. (Y/N) killed herself because she couldn't deal with you being gone. She thought you were dead Sherlock, we all did! Look what it drove her to!"
Sherlock felt his eyes water but he quickly turned so John couldn't see him. Everything sunk in at that very moment. (Y/N) was gone and it was his fault. You would never come back and it was all his fault! If he would have told you! If- If Molly, Mycroft, anyone had told you that he wasn't dead then it would have never come to this!
"John." He took in a deep breath before continuing, "Where is she buried?"
Which of us is now in exile? Which in need of amnesty?
Are you now but an illusion? In my mind alone you breathe.
Sherlock stood in front of your grave, his hands behind his back. He had been standing there silently for what felt like hours. He hadn't spoken, he had just stared at your grave. He wondered where you were. Was there such thing as a heaven or where you now just an illusion inside his mind?
He liked to think it was the first one because he couldn't bear the thought that you were gone. That you were gone because of him.
You believed in things that I will never know.
Sherlock remembered an old memory when everything was the way it should be
*Flashback*
"Sherlock!" You came bouncing into the living room and plopped down on the couch.
Sherlock looks over at you, his face emotionless. "What is it (Y/N)?" He asked.
"I was wondering if you would like to go and get chips later. John said he had a date so he won't be coming home till late tonight."
"I suppose that we could go later-" He said but was cut off when you moved forward and rested your hand on his check. You rubbed your thumb under his eye and smiled when you were triumphant.
"(Y/N), what are you doing?"
"There was an eyelash, her blow." You moved your hand close towards his mouth.
"Why would I do anything like that?" He looked at you with those icy blue eyes. You giggled before explaining it to him.
"Well Sherlock, it says that you can make wishes on eyelashes like you can on ladybugs. Come on! Blow! Make a wish~!" You bounced up and down on the couch as you waited.
He sighed and blew out of his mouth, his eyes shutting. You giggled once again and wrapped your arms around his neck. He moved his arm so it was wrapped loosely around your waist.
"What did you wish for? Wait! Don't tell me! If you tell me, then it won't come true." You rested your head on his shoulder.
"Fine, then I won't tell you." He smirked because he knew that you wanted to know.
"I hope your wish comes true but I bet it will." You smile up at him and he does the same.
"I am sure it will."
*Flashback ended*
You were out there drowning but it never showed. 'Til inside a rain swept night, you just let go.
You've thrown it all away! And I will never see the ending to the play. The grand design, the final line, what was meant to be.
Sherlock sighed and knelt down so he could put a hand on your tombstone. It was black and glossy, kinda like the one he had. He felt tears build up in his eyes and this time he didn't stop them from falling down his cheeks. The warm liquid falling against the soft ground where you were buried.
He cried because it was his fault that you were dead. He cried because his wish would never come true. His wish that you two would become more than friends. He cried because nothing was the way it was supposed to be. He cried because you were gone.
He cried because his only true love was dead and gone. And it was his fault.
Skin by Quiless
