Five Stages ( Castiel x Reader )

    Grief. Castiel couldn’t believe that he had lost you. You were supposed to be his responsibility and he had failed you. He hadn’t even wanted you to go on this mission in the first place. He thought that you were too inexperienced to come. Yet, the Winchesters insisted that you would be fine. That was when Castiel had put himself in charge of you.

    He wouldn’t let anything get you, or so he thought. He tried his hardest to keep you in his sight, yet the one time he wasn’t looking, you got snapped up. The two of you got jumped by a group of demons. They weren’t hurting you. They were just trying to hurt Castiel and distract him so they could have the opportunity to grab you.

    He looked day and night for you but he wasn’t able to find you. For some reason, he couldn’t sense your soul.  The Winchesters tried to get him to calm down, but he wouldn’t. It was his fault you were gone. You needed to be safe. If you had even a scratch on you, he would feel horrible. He had failed. You must hate him; he betrayed your trust.

    Denial. For a few days, he refused to admit that it happened. He tried to ignore that night. Whenever one of the boys tried to bring it up, he brushed it off, saying that he didn’t believe them. Deep down, Castiel still knew what happened. He couldn’t ignore it, but he could try.

    He continued to help the boys with their cases. He thought that if he tried to do activities that he would be able to ignore what was going on. He thought that he would be able to ignore you.

    He tried to go on his own way, going back to dealing with some angel business. Yet, no matter how hard he tried, you kept popping up. He swore that he could hear you in his mind. It was faint, but it was still there. Were you trying to pray to him? That was when he decided that he couldn’t deny what happened anymore. You were still holding onto the hope that he would save you.

    Anger. Castiel started his search for you once again in a rage. He would go to where he knew demons were causing trouble. He would attack them and try to force them to give up information about where you were. No matter who he attacked, they never would say. They seemed like they didn’t know.

    This just made Castiel angrier. He had to find you. He could still hear your voice and that was his driving force. He would grip his angel blade and keep going from demon to demon, just wanting some information. None of them said anything. They would yell for mercy and how they didn’t know who this girl was.

    The boys weren’t sure what to do to try to help him. They offered to help him look, but he said they had more important things to focus on. It was his fault that you were gone and he was going to find you on his own. Of course, if they got any information, he would be grateful. He just didn’t want them to go out of their way to find you. He should be able to find you on his own. At least, in the beginning, he thought that he would be able to find you.

    Bargaining. After Castiel figured out that he wouldn't be able to figure out where you were with using rage. He needed to come up with a better plan. Attacking them and forcing them to tell him wasn’t working. They didn’t know where you were. They were useless. He needed to find another way so he could find you.

    He was getting desperate, he needed to find you. The longer that he waited, the quieter your voice got. You were either getting injured and too tired to pray, or you were losing faith in him. He needed you to stay hopeful. He wished that he would be able to contact you in some way, to tell you that he was looking for you. You must be so scared. The only reason that you were with the Winchesters in the first place was to stay safe. People were targeting you and so you were safest with them. Why had they tried to get you to learn to fight? If you had stayed back with one of them, none of this would happen.

    Castiel knew it wasn’t all their fault. A big portion of the blame should fall upon him. He should have watched you more, never letting you leave his sight.

    He decided that he needed to do something that he would never do. He summoned Crowley, the King of Hell. If anyone would know where you were, it would be him. He was trying to get at you, but no one knew why. You didn’t know and the boys couldn’t find any reason why he would.

    The two of them spoke for some time. There was yelling from both of them, but mostly Castiel. He needed you back in his life. He couldn’t go on with this guilt. What if you were hurt? What if you got killed, whether it was on purpose or by accident.

    In the end, they were able to come up with a middle ground that both of them could agree on. Crowley would give you back, but Castiel needed to owe him a favor. He wasn’t sure what this favor would be, but he needed him to keep it. If Crowley came to him, asking for something, he had to agree.

    Castiel knew that this wasn’t the best idea, but he needed you back. This was the only way it would work. He would deal with the favor when it happened. The future was the future. He decided that he was going to focus on the present.

    Depression. Castiel was happy when he got you back, but he could tell that you weren’t the same. You weren’t the same happy girl that he was used to. Instead, you sulked alone a lot. You would stay in your room for hours without coming out. You even started to stop eating. This worried all of them. They wondered what had happened down there which would cause you to be this way.

    Castiel tried to get you to talk to him, but you just pushed the subject away. You didn’t want to talk about it. It was horrible, especially when you thought that the others had given up on you. They didn’t know you very well, so maybe they would be fine with leaving you down in Hell.

    Castiel would bring you food that you liked and leave it on the side table by your bed, hoping you would eat. Every day he would come in and see that it hadn’t even been touched. He wanted to know how to make you feel better. He asked you, but you didn’t say anything. You felt like nothing would be able to make you feel better.

    Acceptance. Close to a month passed and you started getting better. You were talking to Castiel about what happened and would eat when he was in the room with you. He was glad that he saw you eating. He was worried about you before. Your depression seemed to overtake your life.

    Now you have grown to accept what happened to you. You accepted that what happened was out of your hands, you couldn’t have changed it. No matter what you did, it would have happened at one point. You would have been captured. Now that it happened, you could train and be ready in case something were to happen again.